chapter 4

One morning I woke up and found that I had a visitor. It was Tober. Oh, joy.

“Your trial is due in two roundabouts. We will be leaving in 10 swifts.

“We?” I echoed.

“I have the unfortunate displeasure of escorting you to your trial.”

“Oh, joy” I commented under my breath. Another craft ride with Tober.

“Be ready.” Was all he said before turning to leave.

“So I guess your ditching me.” Said Jink behind me after he had left.

“Looks, like it.” I answered with a shrug of my shoulders, my gaze falling to our toilet

Well, my heart is breaking as well.” Came the sarcastic reply all my indifference. It wasn't that I didn't care, just that I had a hard time showing it. People had said I wore my heart on my sleeve and it certainly was easy to tell how I was felling with a look on my face. When it came to words though and expressing my feelings out loud, I tended to flounder. I felt funny and awkward and often times let the words go unsaid. I had a lot of regrets because of that. I hardly ever told my mom I loved her all though I did, and even in those few cases it was because she had said it first. I had never said it on my own. It was just almost physically painful for me to get the words out.

It was funny though. I didn't have a problem saying I loved my cat or my favorite ball player aloud and often did. I guess because I didn't expect a reply back. I would never met the ball player and I knew my cat would never answer me back. I was getting sick of being that sort of person though and perhaps it had taken getting sent to jail to do it. I decided my cell mate should be the first person I should reach out to.

"I am going to miss..” I tried again, or would have had Jink not interrupted me mid sentience

“Oh, please don't go getting all sappy on me. I just might puke.” Well, so much for trying to express my heartfelt feelings. Instead I tried to get some sleep before breakfast and failed. I was to busy thinking about my trial. About what would happen. What I would have to do or say. I had watched enough law and order to know I would end up having a breakdown.

I couldn't eat a thing at breakfast and instead just picked at my food It was during lunch that I suddenly remembered Medi. I couldn't leave without saying good bye, not after all he had done for me. The only question was how to get the guards to let me see him.

“I feel sick.” I tried

'You don't look sick.” Came the reply.

I groaned and put my hand over my mouth and lurched forward as if about to vomit.

He didn't even flinch.

There is a fraggan can over there!” Acting was not my strong suit

Strike one.

Next I decided on a direct approach.

'Can I see Medi?”

“Why?”

“Because, umm..” I stammered.

“Because I want to see him.” I settled on, doing my best to sound confident and determined.

“Yea, well I want a fraggan downer of Yark , but that is not going to happen.” I had learned Yark was what we would have called Beer.

Strike two. One more and I was out. Meal time was over and we where lead out for our break. Time was running out and I decided I had to result to more drastic measures. There was a gesture I had learned that was extremely offensive. It was like giving the middle finger, only a lot worse. It was like saying, fuck you, your mother is a whore and your junk (if you where a male) was to small all at once. I just hoped it worked with human hands and not just alien ones with tentacles

I looked around for Zyart, hardly believing what I was about to do. It was stupid, it was suicide, but it also meant I could see Medi and I was determined to do it. I found him with a couple of others over near a bench and slowly made my way over to him. It took several attempts before I could get the words out

“Hey Zyart” I finally managed he turned to glare at me.

“What?!” I swallowed. I still had time to back out if I wanted to.

“Well...?.” He asked It was now or never. I brought up my hand holding it palm faced up and toward him. And fingers together. And thumb bent toward the middle. I moved the rest of the fingers down towards the thumb. Once, twice, three times.

I figured I had succeeded when I was suddenly shoved so hard backwards my feet left the floor. I hit the ground hard, my head striking the hard floor with enough force to send a wave of dizziines through me. .Something hard slashed across my face and I felt blood trickle down my neck and cheeks. I screamed and twisted away, my hand going to the wound. A tentacle wrapped around my neck and began to squeeze.

Where the frag where the guards? This was a stupid idea. It would not be any good if I winded up dead before I saw Medi. Black splotches danced across my vision as my hands tried unsuccessfully to pry away the tentacle. Finally. Finally. I felt the pressure on my thought lessen, until I can suck in a trickle of air. Then the tentacle was finally released as the guards wrested Zyrat away. For a moment I didn't move, just concentrated on getting air into my lungs.

“Suicidal much? A voice asked as a ten fingered hand was offered. I accepted it and was pulled to a feet with help from Jink.

“I have my reasons.”

“Like what? Wanting be a fraggan Nyiat?”

"Frag it, you'll need that checked out.” One of the guards grumbled to me. I couldn't keep a grin from creeping up. My plan had worked and all it had cost me was a gash across my cheek, possibly a concussion and nearly being strangled to death.

As I passed by Zyrat who had the pleasure of having the burrow treatment my grin grew even wider. Not because of the burrower but because he had helped me do the one thing I needed to do and he didn't even know it. If looks could kill I would have dropped dead right then and there.

“Again?” Medic commented as way of greeting, frowning as his gaze went to my head wound.

“I just couldn't keep away.” I admitted with a sheepish grin. He sighed, but couldn't keep his grin back.

“Well, lets get you fixed up.” he patted to the all to familiar platform and I hopped on.

“I leaving.” I blurted out as he ran the scanner over me, figuring it better just to get it out than beat around the bush.

“I have my... trial coming up soon.” I added focusing my attention on a pile of junk to his right, unable to meet his gaze.

'When?” He asked as he applied the gel to my cut.

“In two roundabouts. We we leave after out last meal.” He sighed.

“The zarsks are not a forgiving race.”

“You know about what I did then?” I asked suddenly ashamed. I shouldn't have been surprised. I mean if he knew I what species I was, then he probably had known what I was in for from day one. Unlike everyone else he hadn't judged me for it though. He had treated me with respect

“Yes.” He admitted.

“We all make mistakes.” He added as if reading my mind.

“But my mistake killed someone.” I felt tears weld in my eyes.

"Are you sorry?”

'Yes, but that doesn't do anything.” The tears came freely now and I didn't try and stop them.

“but it helps.”

I was silent for a moment and he continued.

“We all do things we regret. Things we didn't mean to do. Sometimes they are small things like forgetting where you place the key card and getting locked out of your office. ..” He gave me a sheepish grin like the one I had given him erailer.

“Others are bigger. Like overlooking a symptom in a patient and then having them die because of it.” His tone had changed as he spoke, to past regrets not forgotten and sorrow not healed. The grin was gone as well replaced with a look that echoed his tone

“All we can do is move on. Do our best to make up for what we did and try to be better for it. You'll go nowhere living in the past.” He reached over for my hand and squeezed like how a father might for their kid when they where going through a difficult situation.

“I'd better be heading back before Tober comes back and blows a gasket because I'm not ready.” I said trying to improve the mood with a half hearted attempt at a joke.

“He can seem quite intimidatingly can't he?” I snorted.

“That would be an understatement”.

“He means well. He has just become so... fixated on doing what he things is right he often forgets to look at everything else.”

“Is it true about what I heard about his family? That they where...”I trailed off unable to finish, but Medi knew what I meant. He gave a sad nod.

“He was a different before that. He was never what I would call carefree, but he smiled more, actually laughed at times. He loved his family.

“After they where gone he withdrew for a long time. Just up and went away without telling anyone.”

“Then one roundabout he was back, just showed up and took his job back and hasn't stopped since.”

“What is his job exactly?” I asked. At first I figured him for some sort of space cop,. But he stayed around the prison a lot and the guards seemed comfortable with him.

“He is supposed to stay here and look after the prison, but that just does not suit him. He likes the more, ahh... exciting venture of going after the criminals themselves and bringing the to justice.”

'Luck us” I replied sarcasticly. I couldn't help but feel a little sorry for Tober. It didn't mean I liked him, but I could see why he did the things that he did.

“I guess I had better go.” I finally said. I did not want to and I was not ready, but I had to.

We hugged again and then he slipped something in my hands.

“Hide that and keep it on you.” He whispered not yet letting me go. I looked down at the device and saw that it was egg shaped and had a small red button on it. My thumb moved over it, but her jerked it away.

“Not now!” He hissed.

“It is only to be used for when you really need it. You'll need to hold it down for one full Click.”

“But that is it?” I asked

“It ahh... it is something that could prove very useful to you.”

“But how will I know when to use I..”

“You will know.”

“Bu...” I began

“You will know!' He echoed again.

“Now hide it before the guard see's it.” He said before relesing me. I quickly stuffed it up the sleeve of my uniform before I turned around.

I cast one last glance before I started to make my way out his office.

“I'll miss you.”

“I'll miss you as well.”

'thanks for everything you did!” I called out as I left his office for the last time.

“It was nothing!” He called out.

“Medi gotcha all patched up I see.” Jink said by way of greeting when I returned. I nodded, not wanting to talk. Not sure if I was able to without crying. For once, she seemed to respect it and left me to my own thoughts, for an swift at least.

“So you never did tell me what exactly you did.” I scowled not in the mood to talk about it..

“I did Nyiat. I said I killed someone.”

"You said you killed someone I guess. I guess.” She said overemphasizing the last two words.

“What? You got something wrong with the wires in your skull? Put a slug through someone and in the next roundabout forget?”

“No.” I replied through gritted teeth

“Or maybe you kicked a poor fragger into the intake of a Swifter and piece of skull came bounding back, nicked you in the skull and gave you amenisa.”

My teeth grinded together so hard I could feel dentists evreywhere cringe.

“I don't even know what a sifter is.”

“Yea cause ya got amensia.”

“Or may..”

“I killed a damn Zarsk ok!” I snapped before she could finish.

He was a grasshopper at the time and I didn't know aliens existed let alone ones as grashoppers and one day when I was walking my dog to the mailbox I accidently steeeped on him and squashed him. That's why I said I guess. Cause I killed him, but didn't mean to, but he's still dead because of me.”

My words tumbled over one another in my haste to get them out and I was out of breath by the end of it. I looked over at Jink, to see what she though

“What's a dog?” Replied Jink